So..! 

I am at work (I have been working as a dental assistant in Bayside for 5 years for a dentist whose office is for the practice of pedontics, limited to children) awaiting our first patient for the day. I can’t help but feel as if I am wasting time. This, of course, is my greatest fear. Losing time, the most valuable resource, terrifies me.  I hate how I feel as I watched it disappear.  I only recently set the clock in my room to the actual time of day. For years I refused to have anything that resembles a device for measuring such a horrible construct in my room, but I will admit I am currently losing the battle to Father Time. He has come to rule my small world, a ghost haunting my every action, or lack of action. The moment to make decisions has arrived and I am still fighting, pathetically by trying to run away.

I once had a plan. I am not sure exactly where that plan fell apart, although looking back, it is obvious that it was something inevitable. Aware of the personality that makes me who I am, it was only a matter of (again) time. The truth is I am scared of the degree of my uncertainty. It was once exhilarating to be exploring different paths. Now, expectations are high and I feel tremendous pressure. At the moment it seems as if whatever decision I make, in one way or another, I will be disappointing someone.

I wish my confidence wasn’t so depleted. Of all times, I wish Courage would inspire me now.