It just seems as though that my loneliness is kicking in, all over again.  Queens (actually, New York, in general) is like a place where you’re constantly surrounded by countless people, but it’s as if you’re total strangers (because you are).  Everyone just seems to pass you by, and it feels as if you’re non-existent.  The only time it feels as though you exist is when a deranged stalker insists on following you, which is dead-on dangerous and more horrifying than the seclusion you may feel when making your way through Queens.

In one of the lectures in my Art History class, the professor (whom I adore) introduced us to a photograph titled “New York City” by Lee Friedlander.  Here’s the 1963 photograph:

I guess even in New York in the 60′s, everyday people going on their everyday routines still faced isolation.  Everyone basically passes each other without any acknowledgment of any sort; we’re just passing each other without any thought at all.

I guess this is how city life is.  I really don’t know anything other than the urban life; I’ve been born and raised in Queens and am still living in Queens.  I yearn to get a taste of the suburban and/or country life, even if it’s only once.  When that will happen, if that will happen, no one knows but God.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see where life takes me.

Speaking of where life takes us, I am basically stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Even though this is my third semester at QC, I still don’t know what I’m going to major in for my Bachelor’s degree.  I’m going through an enormous case of indecision right now, which I’ve been going through ever since my first semester of college.  What I want to do with my life, or what I want to do as my career, or what I even want to do as my major…i don’t know…at all. I thought I knew, but I guess I was wrong.

This decision making progress has been very difficult, because what I want to pursue as my major might not make enough earnings as a career, and the majors that might provide a secure career could make it horrifyingly difficult to even graduate college with a decent GPA.  So, either way, everything just feels like a big mess.  Never in my life did I think that deciding on a major would be this complicated.  I’ll have to make a decision very soon, because time is running out on me.  I just hope whatever happens will happen for the best.  That’s all I can ask for..