From a very young age, I’ve been having dreams and nightmares in which I can control myself in them.  If I dream about something, I am the only one that can control my every movement and action and word spoken in that dream.  I can control which language I choose to speak, whether it may be English or Bengali.  I can’t control the events that are taking place in that dream, but I can control what I choose to do.  And sometimes, these dreams of mine take me further away from reality.  Reality is something that is already obscure to me, and these dreams of mine further encourages reality to slip even farther away from me.

Sometimes I wake up from a nice dream and realize that it did not happen in real life, and I fall into despair since I know that the happiness that was brought to me by my dream was a false happening, since it only existed in the set time in which I was dreaming.  Sometimes I get horrible nightmares, and I wake up in terror wondering if it actually happened.  When I realize it was just a dream, I get the greatest sense of relief.

But that relief isn’t something that is fully positive, since if something terrible does happen in real life, it takes me some time to get through my mind that what happened was, in fact, reality, and that it really happened.  So there’s no hope in running away; what happened, happened, and I must live through the consequences and see how the truth affects me.

And when something good happens to me in real life, I always have to stop and wonder if it was a dream or if it’s reality.  Because of this, I am never truly able to enjoy life events to the full extent when something significant happens, since I know there’s always a possibility of reality being a dream.