The biological difference between men and women is often utilized as justification for administering them into social categories—thus limiting their attitudes and behavior. To the general public, males are always expected to be the bread winners, the knight in shining armor, the I-can-break-this-table-with-one-fist” kind of guy, aggressive and goal seekers while women, on the other hand, are delicate, soft spoken, emotional, feminine, mothers, and care givers. Perfect example in history is Joan of Arc, a woman who commanded a male army and wore male clothes. When she was arrested she was also charged with “ going against the laws of nature”. Or look at Queen Elizabeth I, who refused to wed a man in order to maintain her power in the monarchy.
These “social categories” and the act of fitting individuals into roles based on their sex are what are referred to as gender roles. Strange isn’t it? We can’t be happy with the natural difference between the sexes that we just have to add on a second?
From an early age we experience this social construction. As Little girls we were given “ Baby Born” dolls and “ My Pretty pony” unicorns conditioning a submissive femininity to be mothers and nurturers, while young boys were given Hess trucks, cars, video games and Bionicle toys—instilling that aggressive, power-driven masculinity. Those that don’t conform to these standards are looked on as “ not normal” or “strange”. A girl playing with a truck. A young boy playing with dolls. [Growing up I always had a love for video games and would always grow jealous whenever my dad would buy my brother the new Nintendo DS and completely forget about me. I would constantly have to say “Daddy I love video games too!”]
As we grow older, these roles said to be innate and continue onto our lives both in relationships are used in the workplace to justify unequal salaries among men and women. Any deviation from these roles is considered abnormal or strange. There’s still a general consensus of individuals who find it odd when man is a stay at home dad, when a woman decides not to have children or never to get married or when a male is shorter than the female. Or even when we see in western society females are getting ahead in the workforce and now entering once male dominated careers, there’s still the phenomena that exists where some men are intimidated when the woman becomes the bread winner and holds the higher salary.
Even in the dating world, men and women are restricted to social norms. A prime example is when in high school, my music teacher asked the class how many girls would ask a guy on a date. I believe out of 16 plus girls, I only saw 4 hands. When in actuality, girls, I know plenty of guys who would KILL for you for just ask them out and give them a break for once! In fact, some actually find it hot. Give it a shot! Also,while our culture says men are more sexually driven than women, the fact is women can love sex just as much if not more than men. Exhibit A: Samantha from Sex in the city. [ A character my parents hate for her promiscuity but whom I love for it because she defies the norm.] These boundaries are getting blurred every day but we’re still not there yet.
Interestingly too, you would think in homosexual relationships, roles are more fluid, however, there’s still an outside notion that one has “ to be the male” and one is “the female”, the more active and the more passive, top and bottom. Then what makes it worse, this idea causes homosexuals to unknowingly model themselves after these roles because they feel compelled to do so. Why can’t we just be lesbians or gays? We’re just two women or men who love each other. There is no male or female because if you haven’t noticed neither of us have a certain genitalia.
Personally, I’m against gender roles because I can’t imagine being in a relationship where it’s not 50/50 and equality on both sides. I couldn’t be in a relationship where I’m deemed to ALWAYS be passive or always be aggressive whether in the relationship or in sexual intercourse. Instead, perhaps maybe one day I decide to take charge and one day you take over. I don’t like the idea of getting a lesser salary than my male counterparts simply because I’m a woman. I dislike it when people react to my choice of choosing to be a doctor or any field as a career goal negatively and justify it by saying “ well when would you have children or get married”. I’m not saying I don’t want to have children or get married but being only 21, marriage is not on my list of priorities. Sure I would get married in med school or residency, but I choose to live my life, enjoy it, and have a career before settling down with someone and with children. Is that so strange?
How have gender roles affected your life, relationships and in the workforce?
Have you ever found yourself unknowingly fitting yourself into a role? Have you ever done something that defies these social norms? What was the result? How did that make you feel?
