This is a question from as long as the world was around but I’m entitled to ask it as well: “If God is really there, and everything is for the best, why am I suffering so much?” Obviously, there are countless people suffering in this world who can ask this question as well- A mother loses a child to illness, a person with cancer, a man killed in combat or a terrorist attacks, the amount of suffering in this world is too big for any post and there are probably more diseases than people living in New York City. I personally have suffered none of these things. No one in my family is ill, I’m in perfect shape, but all my feelings are gone. I feel like an empty blob of fat most of the time that is a burden on society and my family and friends. They say it’s not true, but those are my feelings and I’m entitled to at least those feelings!!! Why would God do something like this? So ultimately, when I’m better I’ll have a better understanding? What if I don’t get better??? In addition, I understand already!!! I get the freaking point!!! Hello up there… ANSWER ME…Yet there’s only silence. I recently saw on the news a story about a kid who had complained about bullying and killed himself. I know firsthand what it’s like to be bullied and how it could leave you feeling hopeless. I’m not going to kill myself. Let me repeat that. I’m not going to kill myself. However, I do not understand how God would want a good person, with a good heart, to be debilitated with a mental disease that makes him miserable no matter what medicines are put into his brain. I think I speak for most people with mental illnesses. I’d be fine getting sick with cancer at fifty, when the important things in my life are accomplished and I have a family of my own and the white picket fence. However, I’m still only twenty four. There’s so much more for me to accomplish. In addition, I ‘m not saying I won’t be able to do it despite my mental disease. But I still don’t understand one thing: WHY????? If anyone can answer that, feel free. However, I don’t believe there is an answer. Does that mean there is no God? I don’t know. Maybe. As the High Holiday’s approach where we Jews ask for forgiveness, I wonder what I should be asking forgiveness for this year? Maybe God should be asking forgiveness from me!!! For giving me, this crappy life where I feel like a zombie.

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. I am not an atheist looking for an excuse to blast God, nor am I a pompous fool who thinks he hasn’t sinned. I’m a simple, normal, young guy asking God why he did this to me. And to those people who say you are responsible for you own life and everyone has problems, try living one day in my life. You’ll be off the bridge before breakfast!!!

Here’s dp in the news, still not sure how to get a video in the blog…