The cat’s out of the bag. It’s official, I’ve become an emotional shopper. Yay? The stupid part is I’m not even buying clothes this season, I’ve been buying clothes for summer and spring! I have little winter clothes in my closet. I think I’ve spent about $50-75 worth of clothes… and you may be thinking, “That’s nothing! My jeans cost that much!” That amount is a lot to me because I am not working right now. I’ve been buying clothes on a weekly basis, because it helps relieve all the stress from studying and taking my midterms. I can’t take it. *hulk smash* I want those good grades without studying. I feel like I’m slacking off, because as I said in my previous post, I feel like school is being too predictable, redundant, and boring.

I can’t handle the pressure of having only one art class, two classes I’m remotely interested in, and three other classes I don’t really know why I enrolled in to begin with at this point. In essence, I’m only taking those classes to fulfill my minors, Sociology and Chinese. And just because I’m Asian, does not mean I automatically know how to speak Chinese. I wish it was so, but I was raised speaking English (even though my parents spoke TeoChew 99% of the time at home).

I miss being in Klapper Hall. I miss hanging out with my artsy-fartsy friends. I miss being able to spend five to ten hours in the ceramics studio, being an idiot and semi-productive art student at the same time. I miss being able to completely understand my professors and able to articulate and channel their requirements with my ambitions into a feasible goal. I always told myself six classes is nothing, but I guess that’s also totally different when I’m in a relationship.

I’m actually a bit upset that my boyfriend accused me of taking up too much of his time. Okay, “accuse” isn’t the right word… but he mentioned how his schoolwork abilities has not be up-to-par lately and that maybe we shouldn’t hang out on a daily basis. We only hang out once a week, and at max, 5-7 hours. At most, the average comes out to be one hour per day. Is my anger justified or I’m just being a grumpy academic slave?

Rant, rant, rant.

Maybe it’s because of the cloudy weather we’ve been getting and I’m slowly getting S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder)… if that’s the case — “Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day.”

P.S. I hope no one is going through as much stupid torment as I am. Sometimes, I feel I’m not cut-out to be a high-achieving student. I obsess over grades, since I believe that they validate my intelligence and my insightful brain… or what’s left of it.