On Wednesday, I attended the Major/Minor Fair here at QC and officially declared my major as English.

Even though I’ve known that’s what it would be for a while now, I’ve only just started to feel a sense of stability. Now that it’s on paper, in black and white, with my signature and the department’s signature on it, I’m really starting to see it happen. Of course, I know I can change my mind, but the fact that I know that I won’t makes it feel all the more permanent.

At the fair, I asked the professor sitting at the designated English table if majoring in English was the way to go if I wanted to go into the editing/publishing world. The reason I asked is because whenever I tell someone that I’m an English major, their immediate response is, “Oh, so you want to be a teacher?”

No, I don’t. That’s why I was wondering if that was one of the only careers I’m guaranteed with an English degree. However, I was ensured that a degree in English would be perfect for a career in publishing, and you’d think that would put my worries to rest, right? Wrong.

I was then told that the publishing field is a competitive one. I’ve always seen the word “competitive” in a negative light. I know that it really comes down to how you look at it, but the way I look at it is slightly… different.

When I think of competition, the image that comes to mind is that of two vicious, starving wolves fighting over a dead carcass. There’s clawing and blood and growling and it’s all very frightening and unpleasant. It’s a little sickening, which is almost equivalent to how I feel about competition.

Perhaps I’m being a little melodramatic. Still, I can’t help but feel a little uneasy when I think about competition. Maybe it goes with my introverted personality. I don’t thrive on the supposed excitement of having to vie for something. The only competitions I’ve ever been in were an essay contest and a spelling bee in middle school. I won both, but I was very much laid back about the whole thing. Competition just doesn’t rile me up.

I was told at the fair that if I want to make it big in the publishing world and get into copyediting, which I believe is my main goal, I’ll have to “start low”, “be exploited”, and “make lots of social connections through networking”.

I didn’t imagine it being so tough. I’ve envisioned myself graduating, starting an internship, and then working my way up from there through my passion for writing. That’s obviously not going to be enough.

In hindsight, I don’t know why I didn’t realize that it wouldn’t be that easy. Maybe it’s the part of me that tends to push negative possibilities to the back of my mind and focuses on the present.

But in reality, I know that competition is unavoidable and I should probably face it head on if I really want to go down the career path that I plan to. When I think about it, I realize that I do tend to avoid anything that involves any kind of hardcore competition. Sports, for example, have always terrified me, and it’s not just because I’m the least athletic person on this planet.

So, I think it’s time to look ahead at the imminent competition of the publishing industry and embrace it instead of running away from it. Honestly, when I think about how badly I want the career that I do, I think I’m pretty much willing to do whatever is within my power to do it.

If that means socializing and creating networks that can push me upward, then so be it. After all, I am getting better at popping the antisocial bubble I’ve been in for a while and I can only get better with time and effort.

I’ve also come to realize that life itself is a competition. There is always going to be someone that is just a little bit better at something, and that’s okay. I think the goal here is to work as hard as possible to get to where you want to be. You don’t even have to think about anyone that may be vying for your place. Just do what you need to, for you.

Now I need to follow my own advice. I know where I want to be ten years from now, but chances are that I’m not going to get there in the way that I plan to. Shit happens. Life happens. Things get in the way. But those obstacles are a part of life as well, and the best we can do is embrace them and learn from them.

Whoa. I got all motivation for a second there.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that, as someone who has avoided anything competitive her whole life, I can’t do that anymore. After all, the kind of competition I’m talking about right now isn’t the kind that I’ve run away from.

Instead of fearing the challenge, I should accept it starting now. “Real life” will begin once I graduate, and I don’t want to be hit with a strong dose of reality without really being prepared for it. I’ve heard horror stories about life after college and I don’t want to be the protagonist in one.

So, this is me putting on my metaphorical boxing gloves and bouncing on my heels in the ring, getting ready to fight for something I want. For once.