This boat that waits until the last minute to set sail is full of us – I know it – can see the crowds before I even arrive at the port. With the port as the final docking space – the last day of school, with the boat itself being these papers / tests / academic castration that are used to check our knowledge base before we depart on another vacation / journey. With the crowd – as all of us procrastinators that insist we are too busy otherwise to take a crack at time management.

Cherry on top: the lax support group I seemed to have relied upon for the better part of a year and then some. If I was to know this end to my devotion I doubt that I would do things differently – my only regret is in not retaining these ideals sooner – but even that is hardly a regret. More like happenstance. So it turns out my boat is going in a different direction, the seas will be rough and I may meet some interesting folks/algae/toxic marine life along the way. It’s all good, I love nature – not so much human nature. Especially as depicted by our renowned philosophers.

Today I missed the Queens College General Assembly – QC GA
All these acronyms and not enough verbatim to fill them in with. Yes I’m type anxious to know how it went but also in full comprehension that it wasn’t my stage today. Nor was the “meeting” I stumbled into- exhausted and expectant for the very things that are coming to me now.

Most of my life I’ve had unexplained, very intense deja-vu. Once an entire week’s worth plagued me and the disclaimer is this was before any drug experimentation (not that I’ve sampled a wide array). Looking back I can hardly place a reason to it besides the foreshadowing disaster that somehow weaved its way into my life that year. Depression, conflagrations, devastation, revitalization…

 

As I type this my brother is screaming GOODBYE on the phone – most probably to his significant other. This has been going down for weeks now…lucky for me my room is in the cross fire, directly below his. Seems he’s coming downstairs now to spread the anger – like butter with a sharp nice – across the room of the living.

But yes this deja – vu! I had a crazy incident on the 2 train coming back from Crown Heights yesterday. An exhausted worker with paint splatters across his knees, bright blue bandanna around his neck and heavy bookbag stared right into my eyes and rubbed his own, made a left turn and sat in the far left corner. A group of young (apparently old enough to be talking about the GRE’s?) girls were high pitched and making a ruckus of their whiteness.
My deja vu screamed KNIVES. BANDANNA. TRAIN STATION. Dream or what?

Hours later I arrived in this room of racism, of usual bandanna wearers and realized that the knives were being plunged at me. That if I was to stay it would be the end of me. Maybe less morbidly. Maybe in terms of The Record (no I don’t have a band). But in either case I needed out.

That’s what feet are for – what unsuspecting counterparts are about.
Press send button. Rings 4 times. Flip phone closed. It’s Friday night – I won’t plague you with this. I eat dairy pizza and realize my neglect to incorporate dairy is catching up with me. “I’m walking and down for some angst”

It’s Friday night and there’s a full moon. I sit atop the red car with duct tape patches speckled upon its convertible top. The universe is endless and maybe I’m not alone…