How does anyone perfect their balance of time? It amazes me when people have three jobs, mountains of bills to pay, and still have time to party with their friends and enjoy their family’s company. I have no job and very few responsibilities, and yet I always feel like I’m losing so much time.

I’m so absorbed with spending time with other people, that when I end up focusing my time with one or two people, I start seeing people slowly disappearing out of my life. This distortion makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t know how to describe it. Perhaps, it’s the fact I’m afraid of losing those close in my life…

And then again, people do change over time in college. My best friend from high school is changing to be someone I can hardly distinguish or relate to. Before, this dear person was kind and generous… but now, their persona becomes emotionally dangerous to me. It really upsets me when this person who I used to know may not come back in a metaphorical sense. It aggravates me when this person stubbornly adheres to their ideals so strongly, that they refuse to admit they maybe at fault.

Even so, my clash of friends has riled me a bit. My close friend from CA was living with me for the last few days and will be doing so in future days to come has caused emotional turmoil for me. I thought it would be a good idea to introduce him to my other friends, but it doesn’t seem to be going too well. It’s hard to explain… I just wish I could separate these groups back.

Am I over-thinking things? Am I too sensitive? Should I just wait to see what leads on?

It’s early mornings like these where I want to just pack up my bags and just go somewhere far away. It’s to see if who will notice or care where I’ve gone. I know life goes on for them, but to see who I’ve impacted gives me a purpose to live. Without this purpose… I’m afraid to continue this thought.