I spend a lot of time reading articles on the internet.  Mostly off of sites like MSNBC, CNN and LinkedIn.  When I go to MSNBC or CNN, I scroll right down to the business section.  I’m drawn to articles about personal and career enhancement and development—articles about entrepreneurs, networking, difficult workplaces, starting your own business, following your dreams—things like that. I don’t know why I read these types of articles. Maybe it’s because I’ve always had many dreams in the dream department but never knew how to make them happen.

I came to NYC to pursue my dream of writing. Not the most practical career choice but something I truly enjoy doing.  I also wanted to experience something completely different than what I was used to.  After six months, I’m starting to wonder what possessed me to come here.  I feel like coming here was a bad decision. I wasn’t necessarily happy with where I was at but I was comfortable and knew exactly how each day was going to be.  When I had the chance to finally go to school to pursue a dream major, I was excited and confident that everything would work out.  I knew there would be bumps along the road but I wasn’t expecting things to be the way they are now.  I did what I did because I was becoming complacent with the way things were.  I took a risk but right now, it doesn’t feel like it’s paying off.

I know some people who are content with where they’re at in life.  I also know some people who have goals, interests or dreams they hope to achieve one day.  I was tired of waiting around and chose to try and make my dream come true but at what cost?

People are always saying don’t give up on your dreams.  All of these internet articles make things sound so easy.  Like all you have to do is just decide one day to change your life and then everything happens the way you want it to when you want it to.  I don’t know.  I know that everyone out there has a dream but at some point, maybe it’s time to let go of it, move on, and accept things as they are.

I intend to finish what I started here.  It won’t be easy.  NYC is a very challenging and difficult place to live in. I will make the best of it for the time that I’m here.  I was expecting more from this city but so far it’s been the complete opposite of what I hoped. I’ve seen a lot of authors speak about their work. These little chats always inspire me but still, my dream seems very far out of reach.  I’m working so hard to pursue my dream but I wonder if it’s all for nothing. What happens if after all of this, I’m still at the same point in my life as I was before I came here?

There’s this quote by James Baldwin on the side of one of the buildings at school.  “The world is before you and you need not take it or leave it as it was when you came in”.

I’ll have to keep that quote in mind as I try to figure out how to make all of this work.