Thus far I believe that my blog has been, I hope, both hopeful and inspiring. However, I don’t feel as though this blog would be honest or “real” without some of the sadder and more important aspects of life as well.

My anxiety has been spiking an all-time high recently. It is for a mixture of reasons such as applying for graduate schools and doctoral programs, midterms, and thinking about the stability of my remission. How long will I stay “cancer free”? Is it even worth applying to get into these programs if I can’t even ensure that I will make it the seven years (average length of a PhD program) without recurrence? What is going to happen if, God forbid, something happens and I’m in the middle of my education…again? And honestly the questions get even more important and scary as my mind continues. What happens if I don’t make it at all? My doctors have told me that the odds are stacked against me and the chances are high of this disease coming back. Should I prepare something for my family? I’m only 24 and my life has yet to begin. Do I know what I want if things do “get worse” for me in the future.

Thankfully, while sorting out these thoughts I found an article that helped reassure me that I am not the only person with these thoughts. Many teens and young adults with cancer have to face decisions and realities most people don’t face until much later in life. Being only 24 and under Sloan Kettering’s care at 23, I tiptoed on the line of pediatric care and adult care. Quite frankly it did not matter which category the doctors placed me under. Looking at my life ending sooner rather than later is a scary reality. Luckily for me, there has been some discussion on what I want if anything happens. I have filled out a health care proxy and discussed what I want with my family and close friends. I intend to write out whatever details I think are too hard to discuss with my family. I will have something secure in place to ease my loved one’s minds. In the meantime I will be living my life like any other 24 year old college student… anxious as hell waiting to see what happens with these applications.

Click here to read the article about what is being done to help teenagers and young adults that face end of life decisions.

There is also a documentary available here that deals with similar issues (although not related to the young adult community).