About a week ago I got an email from a man named Cameron St. James asking about my blog. He too is a blogger about cancer. The cancer: mesothelioma. However, the difference is this battle is not his own. The diagnosis of mesothelioma belongs to his wife. The email he sent me touched me for two reasons. Firstly, I was so very happy my blog was being read by an audience of cancer survivors and caregivers that reach beyond the QC community. Secondly, I was happy to get the perspective of a caregiver. My caregivers are not very open with their struggles dealing with my illness. I believe it is due, in part, to the desire to protect me. My friends and family want to make the process I went through and still continue to go through appear to be easy and simple even though I know it is not. Below is Cameron’s story, written in his own words. Again, it is amazing to me to see that the kind of cancer a person has is almost irrelevant. The life changing affects that cancer brings to all people, from all walks of life, is similar.

Our Family’s Tough Fight with Cancer

My wife has mentioned many times that she can’t fathom what I experienced after she was diagnosed with mesothelioma. In the time since, we’ve only talked about it once. Here, I’m going to reveal a bit more about that period in our lives for the benefit of all those currently battling through cancer, and the loving caregivers that support them.

Our first child, Lily, was born only three months before my wife was diagnosed. In a flash, our happiness and excitement for the future of our new family turned into horror and fear. The first time the doctor mentioned mesothelioma, my wife and I looked into each other’s eyes wondering how we were going to get through it.

I almost fell apart then and there until the doctor mentioned treatment options. For the first of many occasions, I was nearly paralyzed with the number of major decisions that had to be made alongside my wife.

At first, I was overcome with intense feelings of anger. For a while, I was hard to deal with because I didn’t know how to express my emotions without cursing. Eventually, I began to gain more control of my feelings. I realized that my wife and daughter were both depending on my being there for them. There were many trying times, but I made a huge effort to be a source of strength for my wife. I knew I had to be an anchor for her, but this was an enormous challenge.

Immediately after my wife was diagnosed, I had a huge number of new responsibilities. Between work, household duties and travel planning for doctors appointments, I was quickly becoming exhausted. Fortunately, I adapted by focusing my energy on priorities. I also eventually learned to accept help from friends and family. With the people who blessed our lives during this time, we were able to get through the hardships. I will be forever grateful to everyone who came through for us during our time of struggle.

I had an unbearable period for about two months after my wife had surgery in Boston. Lily had gone to stay with Heather’s parents in South Dakota while Heather underwent surgery, and after the operation Heather flew there to join her.  This left me at home, alone to work and take care of our house.  It was a tough decision to be away from them, but we both knew that I could not provide my family with the care that they needed while still working full time to support us.  Unfortunately, I only saw my daughter and wife once during this time.
After leaving work one Friday, I drove straight to South Dakota overnight during a snowstorm. In the middle of the 11-hour trip, I slept in my car waiting for the highways to be cleared. By the time I got to South Dakota, I was completely worn out. I spent all of Saturday and part of Sunday with them, then I drove 11 hours straight back for work on Monday. It was an exhausting trip, but the few precious hours I got to spend with them were best I had in that entire two-month span of time.

It was so hard to be apart from my family during that time, but I don’t view that period as a waste. The mesothelioma forced us to make many hard decisions, but I’m grateful that we were given choices at all.

One major thing I learned was to accept help from others. I also learned to appreciate the chance to maintain some control by making decisions that were often very difficult. Finally, I’m extremely grateful that Heather made it through treatment and is still healthy now, six years after her diagnosis, despite the initially bleak prognosis for mesothelioma. I hope this story of our experience inspires patients and caretakers who are presently dealing with cancer.

 Cameron Von St. James