This semester at Queens is going to be my personal hardest and the biggest test for me- I’m taking fifteen credits, which I’ve done before but I also have work study-and I have blog meetings-I’m honestly terrified of both. Hopefully I’ll get a job in the library…and my other bloggers won’t be too judgmental…

I know everyone has problems and issues. You all have stress, some people have weight problems, relationship issues, the list goes on and on with the problems we all individually could have. Therefore, I feel really guilty being the complainer and the self absorbed narcissist I’m being. Most of the other bloggers are speaking in a more general sense, and I will try to do that in the future. However, I like the honesty for now of speaking in a personal voice and maybe you can find some inspiration in it…College is a time for change, to work on yourself. We all are.  Everyone is trying to figure out what they are going to do, be, what will make them happy ect…It’s a hard time but a fun time to experiment!!!

 

My therapist blames all my problems on my parents and it’s starting to get on my nerves-I love them, they’re both awesome and unique people. I sort of messed myself up, and they are trying to help me pick up the pieces as best as they can with financial and emotional support. How does being mad at them help me in any way???

I’ll eventually tell the whole story, but not until much later. How I got into this mess is really almost comical looking back at it. There was nothing so crazy that you’d all be like awww’ poor guy…I’ve never taken drugs or smoked or really done anything that bad…Not sure what God (yes I still believe in you) wants from me. I feel like my soul, my very self, has been ripped out, and now how am I supposed to function? Do you want me to be constantly angry? Depressed? One big fat mess? If so, you’ve got it…Unless this is all a test to see what I will do. Will I fight every day with all my heart to get better or will I wallow in despair. If so, I’m not going to wallow. I will go down fighting!!! BRING IT ON WORLD!!!

One day I will get better and I will become someone who will help a lot of people with psychological issues. That is my goal at least. As in any disorder, there are people who get moderately better, worse, not better at all-I will be one of those who gets better. I’m still only 24 and it’s not yet time to give up. So what if I’m a bit weird and angry at my situation??? Who the heck wouldn’t be??? So world out there-get ready. I’m going to come back and come back not with a vengeance but with the nicest personality. I will have my family, I will get a job, and I will be successful. No is not in my vocabulary anymore. I now know to say no to no!!!