I apologize for my absence. Couple of things…First HAPPY COMING OUT DAY! Coming Out Day will be celebrated by QC on October 12th this Wednesday in the Klapper Circle. I’m excited because I’ve yet to hear coming out stories by my qc peers so it’ll be an amazing experience. See you there! Post regarding that ahead. Also in other news, I’m introducing this new series called ” Ask Bistander” to you guys featuring questions asked on this blog. If you’d like to ask a question, you could post them on the ask bistander/ask QC page above and if it’s something I can answer I will or I can ask QC students in the lgbt community. Depending on the question, it just might be a new blog topic so ask away!
This seemed like the perfect topic to start off with. How do you know if you’re Gay or Bi? As we mature and age and become our own person, we learn more about ourselves and the relationships and people around us. We discover more about our personalities, likes and dislikes, and yes even sexuality. Sometimes we may feel an attraction or curiousity around the same sex and then are taken back when we start to question ourselves. THIS IS NORMAL! This is something that is usually referred to as experimenting. Why? Because you’re doing just that. You’re experimenting with your sexuality and fulfilling a curiosity you have. So when you kiss a girl while you’re drunk at your best friend’s party or fool around with your buddy with the sports locker room in college, this doesn’t necessarily make you gay or bisexual. It’s more common among the straight crowd than you think. Which brings me to my next vocabulary word of the day. Bi-curious. This term refers to exactly what it implies. It is when an individual is curious about being with the same sex and is either thinking of experimenting or is doing so already.
So how do you know you’re gay or bi as opposed to straight? It’s when you have both a physical/sexual attraction to members of the same sex as well as an emotional attraction to the same sex. Let me explains these points further. By attraction, this includes not only finding them physically attractive, but also infatuation, having butterflies in your stomach or your heart beats faster around them, and wouldn’t mind being with them sexually. Emotional attraction, additionally plays a role, meaning you can imagine yourself being in a relationship with that person. If you don’t have these two elements then you’re probably just curious. Again, completely normal.
Now, when you’re bisexual, you feel attracted both sexually and emotionally to both sexes. Some would say this is 50:50. But I disagree. Someone who is bisexual could also be attracted mainly to women but some men or mainly to men but occasionally a woman both physically attracted and emotionally.
There are also bisexuals that are in relationships with the same sex the majority of the time but evidently end up marrying someone of the opposite sex. These are referred to as Temporary Bis or, quoting the L word, Hasbians, individuals who were once gay but now they’re in a straight relationship. Unfortunately for the other bisexuals, gays and lesbians, this dawns the phrase “ it’s just a phase”, which is what is told by parents, friends, and people around them where they say, “ It’ll pass…You’ll get over it”. And annoying as it is, the fact of the matter is for the majority of the population it is just a phase. This fact also makes it harder on bisexuals to be taken seriously by gay and straight individuals. But hey, although there are some bisexuals that are temporary, that isn’t necessarily everyone. Don’t generalize. And remember that sexuality is a spectrum. One could potentially argue that no one is completely straight or gay. It’s not black and white and it’s constantly evolving, growing and changing.
Another point to bring up, as this happens a lot but specifically lesbians when coming out, is that often lesbians first test the waters if you will by initially saying they’re Bisexual. [Guilty as charged]. For example with me I dated men in the past. Why? Because I thought nothing of it. It was what you did. Also in many cases you may believe that you’re bisexual but later on you discover you are in fact gay.
Also, there is no set time for realizing that you are straight, gay, or bi. Some are fortunate to know when they’re young, some find out in their 20s and teens, and some realize in their 50s and later on in life. It all depends on the individual.
Also I might add, you don’t necessarily have to label yourself if you choose not to. Many individuals decide to call themselves queer, or gay, or pansexual or bisexual simply due to the fact that they refuse to squeeze themselves into the lines of gay or straight. Society may ask you to label yourself but evidently it’s YOU that makes the decision.
Thoughts? Agree? Disagree? What advice would you give to someone who’s questioning or unsure?
See you at Coming Out Day!
P.S. Stay tuned for topic #2: How to tell if your love interest is gay or straight and a post on Coming Out Day QC!
