It is 4:00 am and I am reading cancer blogs because hey, it is what I do at 4:00 am. I was reading blogs and articles trying to get a sense on what my blog was lacking, where it should go, what I should address, and to whom it should be addressed but I just got pissed off. These blogs and inspiring stories are saturated with death and depression. Yes, occasionally there are glimmers of life in these blogs and accumulated stories but it is only so because the scary grim reaper is one ass grab away from taking the writers life. (Admittedly my blog falls gravely into this category as well) Can’t there be just one voice for Young Adults (YA’s) with cancer that focuses on the living part of a cancer diagnosis? I get it. Trust me I get it better than anyone. Getting a diagnosis of cancer brings death to the forefront but there has got to be a voice SOMEWHERE that just focuses on living. I feel as if the favorites section of my internet explorer is a catacomb for all dead cancer kids aged 23-45. Will I be on some other cancer kid’s favorite section one day too? Will a Dewey Decimal system for cancer patients no longer “with us” be created and separated by disease? You know, 273.5 contains brain tumors. 365.3 for AML. 468.7 sarcoma. Maybe there will even be notes where you can visit the graves of these dearly deceased voices of the youth community. I cannot even deal. So tonight, lucky readers, I step back from trying to have an educational and inspirational blog for a more authentic voice with a dash of dark humor for all us cancery YA’s out there.
- Reading cancer blogs can cause one to become a hypochondriac. I read stories of other people’s pain and suffering and immediately believe I am experiencing the same exact pain described from behind the hospital beds on cancer wards. I have grown accustomed to living with a certain level of anxiety. Mine stems from a shaky future and a scary past. But sometimes I have to remind myself….
2. Can’t we all try to get a laugh from a really shitty situation? I mean honestly. I like to think myself a somewhat humorous person. I try to tap into the moments where I can laugh at the deadly experiences I have encountered. Maybe not well, but I have tried. So tonight I googled cancer meme’s to try to laugh at a completely inappropriate and possibly even taboo subject. It made me laugh.
3. Let us not forget the all powerful, omniscient being in the sky, the big G-O-D all cancer patients question, curse, or turn to/from during their tango with terminality. Would He approve of me making fun of my own situation? What does the creator of heaven and earth, man and woman, life and death have to say on the subject of cancer? Seems legit.
4. Oh Facebook. My fabulous escape from reality. Will u offer me some sort of respite from my internal ratings on the impossible molecular cell structure I suffer from. Will Farmville and Candy Crush numb my brain long enough to help me escape this ephemeral reality that is life? Sure. Just don’t look at my news feed. Crap. Oh crap. I just looked at my news feed. What do I find? A picture of a bald girl flipping cancer off with a friendly reminder to “like” to cure cancer. Ignore if you are a soulless, no hearted, black pit of emotion and secretly hope the cancer patient in the picture dies a slow, painful death. People need to be reminded that…
5. Ok so Facebook doesn’t work. Maybe I should try to do some good in the world for me and other people like me. Young Adults suffering from cancer MUST have numerous outlets and resources to connect and see that they are not alone. OH, they don’t? Okay. What’s that you say? Lance Armstrong the award winning cyclist started the biggest association for YA’s with cancer. Sure I’ll check it out.
Whoops. Looks like the webpage actually directed me to the truth about that foundation.
6. Sometimes I just need a sloth to love. To calm me down. To remind myself my future may be different from all the other YA’s that came before me and didn’t make it as far as they thought. Or maybe they did and their obituaries still had to taint their memoires with chemo and remind us all that they “died after a long and hard battle with _______ cancer. They fought hard and now must rest”. But that is irrelevant. Where there are blogs, there are meme’s, even sloth memes, that make everything better.
Ahh sloth. That I will do my friend. I will just chill out.
🙂
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