Tough love is an issue that is in my opinion very subjective. Everybody has their own opinions on what tough love is and is not.  I decided to write about tough love this week while sitting in my psychology class.  In class we were reviewing the the three main types of parenting; authoritarian, authoritative and permissive. Which one is the best? Well, thats debatable.  The authoritarian style is like a mild boot camp for kids. Parents are always in control, what they say is always what goes and rules exist for everything.  Permissive is quite the opposite of authoritarian.  There aren’t many rules, punishments (if they exist) are usually very easy and not thought out, ie. taking a kid’s computer privileges for a week but allowing television. Most psychologists will tell you that the authoritative style is best.  It is a mixture of authoritarian and permissive.  Rules exist, but they are explained and fair. This style allows children to understand when they do good things and in addition rewards them for good behavior while allowing them to understand the bad as well.  With this style of parenting children will grow up respecting people, especially their parents, and allow them to become rational adults.

The question of tough love is slightly different.  You can be authoritative and have spurts of tough love depending on who you are as a person. But tough love is mainly about pushing your kids whether you use positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement.  I believe that tough love can be hurtful at times, it can also prevent you from doing things that perhaps you may be capable of.  It can be confusing and at times hold you back. Personally, I wasn’t raised in a babying matter where everything was handed to me on a silver platter, and where weekly checks were written to me for my allowance.  Expenses were pretty much paid for through holding a job. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. Is it a good thing? Well, it can definitely depend on the situation but in my experience if you are a full-time pre-med student it really is not the best thing. You begin to question yourself. working 30-40 hours a week late in to the night after your day classes or vice-versa working all day and taking your classes late into the night. You being to wonder, will I be able to handle my chosen career path? Will I be able to handle med school while working this much? It is the unfortunate circumstance that comes with having a job and not being graced with a fortune. You begin to mold everything around that job including what classes you take, how many classes you can take per semester, how many days you can be in school. Life becomes more about what you can afford and not what you want.  Night and day classes are different. There are more options in the daytime, the teachers are even a tad different, the atmosphere is different in the daytime, and most of all the hours are different.

Now is this tough love worth it? I have and always wanted to be pre-med and it has effected me. I have had to be part-time for a number of semester to cover expenses, including the basics such as ; a new sweater, a pair of jeans, a meal between classes, a cell phone, things that are relatively inexpensive however do add up.  There is so much that is given up when you work and I feel like some parents need to understand that and respect it. You give up a lot of energy, a ton of time (especially for studying), and numerous options. You aren’t allowed as much free time, which is even more crucial when you are bombarded with responsibilities.  Although the idea of tough love is great, it does really limit your options and propels you into an early independence.  I wonder if that may be a reason why people of the upper classes usually do very well and become successful.  They’re given the basics and then some.  They have the options, the vacations, the time off for relaxation, the allowances.  They have pretty much all the tools for success and it’s very rare for a person to do poorly if they pretty much have all the means to do well in life.  When you come from a lower income household, it isn’t as easy to succeed as a person coming from a wealthy family.  It is not impossible, but it is nowhere near as easy.  And so I continue my balancing act with the hopes that one day I may get a little break.