There are times when I just don’t find a quiet corner in life, and can’t really find peace anywhere. Humans are too noisy, too controversial and too busy. Of course living in a big city like New York makes it even harder to be at the moment where you can just hear the summer breeze blowing through the trees without the interruption of fire trucks, cars with loud rap/hip-hop music and other noise pollutants.
I sometimes want to run away from everything and everybody, not permanently, no. But even if it means for a few hours, it’d be a gift. I don’t like to live alone, I don’t want to live in villages or even small towns. I was born in a big city (Tehran) and I have lived all my life yet in mega cities like Tehran and New York. So it’s not that I don’t fully appreciate the busy, noisy, crowded, and of course live cities. It’s just that once in a while, for a change it’s good to hear absolutely nothing.
As I was trying to find a solution to find some quiet and peace within this never-sleeping city, I thought of visiting a cemetery. So I started driving to a cemetery every morning for almost a month. I’d go there, walk in the grave yard, and finally find a spot that I’d take a sit and eventually fall asleep.
Most people would find this very odd and of course crazy. But I’m not scared of the deads, they are actually very peaceful and they could be a good reminder for us, the “alive” ones! Every morning almost right after the sun rise I was already at the entrance of the cemetery, looking at all the gravestones aligned, not moving an inch for years and years to come. I was thinking to myself that after who knows how many years this is where I’d end up. I wake up, I eat, I work, I study, I struggle, I worry, I get angry, I get frustrated, I laugh, I cry, I sleep and wake up again, I win, I lose, I succeed, I fail and in the end no matter whether I was content or not, whether I was rich or poor, good or evil, I’ll be laying next to one of them, as I never existed before. Those thought made me feel more cautious. I started feeling my existence better. I began to think clearly.
I made a habit of going to the cemetery every morning. My days were better, since I was more aware of the things I was doing, seeing, hearing, and of course saying. I made sure my actions were in a direction in which when I died I didn’t have to regret doing them. I finally found the peace I was looking for. I found the quiet, and I was calm. But I got more than that since I was spending time with the deads every day I learned that I wasn’t really alive. The kind of life I was living till’ then wasn’t any different from the kind of death they were living. I thought I was alive. It was then when I realize that between being alive, and living there’s a huge difference, I wanted to be alive, not just to live a life.
Being alive doesn’t end with your death on Earth, but when your days continue to pass by and your yesterday, today, and tomorrow are much the same, that’s when you know there is absolutely no difference between you; the walking dead, and the laying dead in the cemetery. I woke up…I’m really awake now. I’m alive and I feel life with every inhale and exhale. I’m sure that I can now stop going to the cemetery every morning and find peace no matter where I am.
